Krazy 8s
OC 2005 Players Forecast
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THE QUEST FOR THE MUSTARD JACKET 2005
Player Forecast
It’s that time of year again, and sports fans from around the world will have their eyes trained on OC, MD for the K8 2005 Club Championship, and awarding of the Mustard Jacket. This year’s field promises to be as exciting as any in the history of the sport. This report is for information only and not intended for wagering. It is based solely on jaded observation, hearsay, and other unsubstantiated sources. Based on this intense analysis this author believes we will be witnessing Money, t-Heel, Squeezy and Hojo strolling up the fairway to a thunderous ovation at hole 54,. It will be too close to call as all our hero’s putt. Hojo distracted by an obscene noise emanating from his brother will miss a crucial putt. Roy will receive a rim job, much to the dismay of the gallery, and t-Heel will be overcome by the pressure an 7 putt. Money will look very dapper while 2 stepping at Fagers in the coveted Mustard. Let the debating begin.
PLAYER: Dennis “Pure Titanium” Rader
Handicap: 13
2005 Earnings: $13:00
K8 Claim to Fame: 2000 & 2002 Club Champion.
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation!: It’s an Anaconda!
Synopsis: PT is one of the most feared golfers in the tourney. He has been suspiciously absent from many of the 2005 K8 events. His new job duties have freed up time for his two passions, Jazzercise and Golf.
Favorite Quote: "You guys all suck”
Pro's- Has all of the tools, and may be the best putter in the group.
Con's-May have placed too much emphasis on Jazzercise and not enough on Golf this summer.
OC Forecast- Will shoot well on day one and subsequently get distracted by 940’s freaky head games on day 2.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-8-1.
PLAYER: Bryan “Ice, Wet Fart, Gerber, Angry Bowel, Mud Butt” Eiser
Handicap: 13
2005 Earnings: $150.25
K8 Claim to Fame: Multiple Holes in Ones, President of the 940 Fan Club, and owner of the most Pastel shirts.
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation!: Not the Hershey Squirts Again! Get me some more Cheese!
Synopsis: Ice’s golf game is the envy of most of the K8’s. His only weakness is a bowel that becomes irritable at the slightest taste of a non-cheese product, and a psyche that becomes irritable at the slightest mention of 940’s accomplishments. If he can control those, we very well may see Salmon and Mustard strutting through Fagers.
Favorite Quote: "Shut Up Carnaggio”
Pro's- Best overall Golf Game
Con's- Irritable Carnaggio Bowel
OC Forecast- Will be in the running, but is giving up 10 strokes to some very good golfers and therefore unable to hold on.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-10-1.
PLAYER: Jim “Uncle Miltie, Laura Davies, 940, Joes Brother” Carnaggio
Handicap: 16
2005 Earnings: $90.00
K8 Claim to Fame: 2001 Club Champion. Lucky to have a brother who had a hole in one, and who is very popular.
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation!: Hey Roy, Look at this, I’ll bet you Ice can’t do this!
Synopsis: 940 is without a doubt the hottest golfer in the tourney field. He has raised his game leaps and bounds since leaving the DSS organization. Rumor has it that his office is on a Golf Course and he sleeps with a putter.
Favorite Quote: "Take that Ice”
Pro's- He is on fire, and can seemingly do no wrong.
Con's- Disturbing obsession with Ice.
OC Forecast- In an ironic twist, his obsession to be like Ice will cause Jim to take on many of Ice’s characteristics, as if they were Siamese twins, … irritable bowels, pastel clothing, late nights, and ultimately golf course fatigue.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-10-1.
PLAYER: Andrew “Mongo ”
Handicap: 17
2005 Earnings: $48.00
K8 Claim to Fame: Can out drive and probably out drink any K8
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation!: Ed? Did you do this? What the hell is that? Somebody get the hotel management, something’s wrong with this toilet!
Synopsis: Is playing well, and could make a run at the championship.
Favorite Quote: "This TV is f’d up”
Pro's-Long Driver
Con's- None. This author finds him perfect.
OC Forecast- I s giving up strokes to some fine golfers, so it will be difficult for Mongo to hold onto the top 4. As usual, he will shoot lights out, yell at Eddie, and subsequently feel bad, which will throw off his game.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-8-1.
PLAYER: Mark “Duck ”Dziedzic
Handicap: 18
2005 Earnings: $34.50
K8 Claim to Fame: Has never knowingly pooped on a golf trip.
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation: I honestly have not pooped in 3 months!
Synopsis: Watch out for Duck. Next to 940, he has improved his golf game the most this summer. He has really not had a bad round this summer, and should have a good weekend.
Favorite Quote:
Pro's-Most improved short game in tourney
Con's- Won’t let hoopla of tourney deter beer consumption, which could hinder concentration.
OC Forecast- Duck is now up there with the big dogs in the top 5 handicaps. He will have to play perfect as he will not be receiving as many strokes as in the past. Will play well, but will be beaten by a 20 something handicapper who will shoot well.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-7-1.
PLAYER: Roy “Squeezy ”Norris
Handicap: 20
2005 Earnings: $42.75
K8 Claim to Fame: Founding Member, and de Facto President of Club
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation; Hmmm! It’s 9:04, my constitutional is 4 minutes late today. I hope I‘m ok.
Synopsis: Roy continues to amaze, and lesser men may not have even played a round of golf this year. Roy is still recovering from his serious knee surgery, but has still played well. He could be a sleeper for the jacket as this is the first year that he will be receiving 20 strokes going into the championship.
Favorite Quote: Never use loft, when you can chip and run, and never use the toilet at Coins, when you have the runs".
Pro's- As consistent hitting fairways as he with his regularity. Just set it and forget it.
Con's- May need another year to strengthen knee.
OC Forecast: Will play well, and with strokes will be in the final four on Saturday.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-5-1.
PLAYER: Mike “T-Heel ”Fowkes
Handicap: 21
2005 Earnings: $37.50
K8 Claim to Fame: Holds K8 record for most Smitty McGee Atomic wings consumed (3), and most heavy cream consumed in one sitting.
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation:
Synopsis: Mike is capable of putting up back to back scores in the 80’s which combined with his 21 handicap would mean curtains for the rest of the field.
Favorite Quote: ‘Duck’s sandbagging!”.
Pro's- Potential to post low back to back rounds
Con's- Wing Intake could hinder performance
OC Forecast: Will play well, and with strokes will be in the final four on Saturday.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-4-1.
PLAYER: Ken “Money, Ed’s Brother ”Folderauer
Handicap: 22
2005 Earnings: $32.00
K8 Claim to Fame: Tells a K8 story like no other, and is traditionally the k* Bloody Mary toast master..
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation:” Jesus, Joe left the Galapagos Islands in my Toilet!”
Synopsis: Next to Ice, Ken has a golf game that is the envy of many a K8. Though he has not played in many K8 tourneys this year, amny believe he has the potential to wear the mustard this year with his well rounded game, and the number of strokes he is receiving.
Favorite Quote: ‘I Kid You Not…You are not going to believe this…You have got to hear this story…!”.
Pro's- Can do it all, and could potentially have lowest non-handicap round.
Con's- Must avoid consumption of Pork and Pork Bi-Products. It is his kryptonite.
OC Forecast: Will play well, and with strokes will be in the final four on Saturday. This writer believes he will be in the top two.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-2-1.
PLAYER: Joe “Hojo, Canary, Pimp Daddy ”Carnaggio
Handicap: 23
2005 Earnings: $50.75
K8 Claim to Fame: Only Carnaggio with a hole in one. Mr. OC, there would be no OC Golf trip without this man. He is the official K8 ambassador of Good will. 2004 and reigning club Champion.
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation:” Eight Hotel rooms, Eight poops of varying consistency, I can do it!!”
Synopsis: This author was a bit shocked when he saw Hojo getting 23 strokes. He is always in the fairway, and in up to date fashion. With these strokes and his game, he will be in the final four.
Favorite Quote: That’s It, I quit, I am finished with you Guys”
Pro's- Very seldom misses a fairway. And can stay out late with the big boys
Con's- Can’t let after golf thoughts creep into his consciousness during a round.
OC Forecast: Will play well, and with strokes will be in the final four on Saturday. This writer believes he will be in the top two with Money.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-2-1.
PLAYER: Dave “Ballcock, J.
Handicap: 26
2005 Earnings: $124.50
K8 Claim to Fame: Gambler Extraordinaire. Organizer of many Golf and Extra-Curricular outings.
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation:” Mongs, the toilet keeps flushing on its own, Get the hotel management!”
Synopsis: Don’t let this mans 26 handicap fool you. When money is on the line he will compete as evidenced by his 2nd place standing on the money earnings chart.
Favorite Quote: “ C’mon, why not bet, the most you can lose is $45.00”
Pro's- Long Driver, and very capable of posting Birdies to take skins.
Con's- Tough Room assignment, and will get very little access to Bathroom.
OC Forecast: Will win money, but will not be in the top four.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-30-1.
PLAYER: Scott “Timex, 3 Putt, Duck- Hook, Hill
Handicap: 26
2005 Earnings: $14.00
K8 Claim to Fame: Drank a bottle of Colon Blow before a round and made it to 4th hole before disastrous explosion
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation: “ Hey, who took the stool binder?”
Synopsis: In this author’s opinion, this man should not suck as bad as he does at Golf. His errant tee shots, poor chipping and inconsistent putting makes one wonder why he even continues to attempt to play.
Favorite Quote: “ Yeah, I’ll go out tonight”
Pro's- This author can think of none.
Con's- Poor Driver, Inconsistent approach shots, no touch around the greens, terrible putter.
OC Forecast: Will have fun, but will be out of the competition by hole 4 of 54, which is coincidentally the same hole the aforementioned intestinal explosion occurred.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-75-1.
PLAYER: John “Captain, Kinzel
Handicap: 27
2005 Earnings: $37.50
K8 Claim to Fame: Was only K8 to ever be liked by Blanton
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation: “ You guys talk way too much about crapping”
Synopsis: This man is a wild card, and could be playing for the Mustard on day 3 with some breaks.
Favorite Quote: “ Martini, Shaken, not stirred my good man!”
Pro's- Plays well on Golf Trips
Con's- 3 day vice 2 day tourney could throw Mustard strategy out of kilter.
OC Forecast: Will be in top six, and possibly in top 4 if others falter.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-8-1.
PLAYER: Ed “Eddie, Jamaica Eddie, , Folderaur
Handicap: 32
2005 Earnings: $38.00
K8 Claim to Fame: None to date, Ed is very uneventful
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation: “ Hey Mongo look at this”
Synopsis: Can hit the ball further than anyone, but the key to the Mustard will be his short game and staying focused on the task. Ed is getting a lot of strokes and could be wearing Mustard with 3 straight 90 rounds, which is possible.
Favorite Quote: “ It’s Roy’s fault!”
Pro's- Long Drives, delightful easy going personality
Con's-Short game problems occasionally, and can fall prey to Dave and Mongo’s freaky head games.
OC Forecast: Will have one unbelievably good round followed by a bad round after getting yelled at by Mongo. The rest of the weekend will be uneventful.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-10-1.
PLAYER: Ben “Tall Guy, BurgerMeister, Web Man, , Hope
Handicap: 42
2005 Earnings: $38.00
K8 Claim to Fame: Creator and Web master of the critically acclaimed K8 web Page
Favorite Bathroom Exclamation: “ So that’s what 12 burgers looks like after the fact”
Synopsis: There is some concern that Ben may be receiving too many strokes, and that if wins the Mustard he will destroy it by trying to wear it. He ha sbeen steadily improving, and if he plays as well as his last few rounds, he will be in the final 4.
Favorite Quote: “ I lost 3 balls on that hole!”
Pro's- Improving with each round, and has potential to string together 3 low 100 rounds which will put him in the drivers seat for the jacket.
Con's- May needmore seasoning, just like the burgers at Smitty’s. Also does not drink enough, and may be too nice.
OC Forecast: Ben will be in the running after day 1, however fishing with Eddie will make him question life as he knows it, and thus derail his once promising tourney.
Odds for the Jacket with Handicap-15-1.